This month’s Hot Topic at Lingo is Psychological/Emotional abuse and domestic violence.
As it’s a really important matter, we would like you to know more about this issue.
Emotional abuse can happen to anyone at any time in their lives. Children, teens, and adults all experience emotional abuse. And emotional abuse can have devastating consequences on relationships and all those involved. Just because there is no physical mark doesn’t mean the abuse isn’t real and isn’t a problem or even a crime in some countries.
DEFINITION OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE
One definition of emotional abuse is: „any act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, infantilization, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth.”
Emotional abuse is also known as psychological abuse or as „chronic verbal aggression” by researchers. People who suffer from emotional abuse tend to have very low self-esteem, show personality changes (such as becoming withdrawn) and may even become depressed, anxious or suicidal.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
Emotional abuse symptoms vary but can invade any part of a person’s life. Signs of emotional abuse include:
- Yelling or swearing
- Name calling or insults; mocking
- Threats and intimidation
- Ignoring or excluding
- Isolating
- Humiliating
- Denial of the abuse and blaming of the victim
Emotional abuse, like other types of abuse, tends to take the form of a cycle. In a relationship, this cycle starts when one partner emotionally abuses the other, typically to show dominance. The abuser then feels guilt, but not about what he (or she) has done, but moreover the consequences of his actions.
The abuser then makes up excuses for his behavior to avoid taking responsibility for what has happened. The abuser then resumes „normal” behavior as if the abuse never happened and may, in fact, be extra charming, apologetic and giving – making the abused party believe that the abuser is sorry. The abuser then begins to fantasize about abusing his partner again and sets up a situation in which more emotional abuse can take place.
EXAMPLES OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE
- Threats of violence or abandonment
- Intentionally frightening
- Making an individual fear that they will not receive the food or care they need
- Lying
- Failing to check allegations of abuse against them
- Making derogative or slanderous statements about an individual to others
- Socially isolating an individual, failing to let them have visitors
- Withholding important information
- Demeaning an individual because of the language they speak
- Intentionally misinterpreting traditional practices
- Repeatedly raising the issue of death
- Telling an individual that they are too much trouble
- Ignoring or excessively criticizing
- Being over-familiar and disrespectful
- Unreasonably ordering an individual around; treating an individual as a servant or child
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE – A SERIOUS, GLOBAL PROBLEM
Domestic violence occurs when one partner exerts control over the other while dating, during marriage, or cohabitation. Domestic abuse involves injuring someone, such as a spouse, partner, or another family member within the domestic setting. The injuries caused by domestic violence can be either physical or emotional, and effects of domestic abuse often result in lifelong issues long after the victim has left the abusive environment.
There is no typical victim profile for domestic violence and abuse. All types of domestic violence can occur in every socioeconomic group, educational and religious background, age group, culture, and nation; and it can happen in same-sex relationships as well as traditional heterosexual ones.
EXAMPLES OF DOMESTIC ABUSE
As you read these examples of domestic abuse, remember that all domestic violence, regardless of abuser’s tactics and frequency, has one common underlying thread: the abuser’s goal to control.
Domestic Violence Scenario I: Your spouse or partner hits you on the arm or leg – not enough to leave a mark. This has never happened before. Your partner seems truly horrified at his actions and apologizes profusely, begging forgiveness, even weeping at your feet. Seeing your strong partner — who’s usually stoic when faced with other agonies of life — crying and ridden with shame and guilt triggers a flood of love and mercy in you. You forgive him; certain he’ll never do it again. Anyone can make a mistake, and it didn’t even leave a bruise. Right?
Domestic Violence Scenario II: As is bound to happen, you and your spouse have a spat over an issue (i.e., financial burdens, division of home responsibilities, work schedules). Every couple has these types of disagreements, and some of them can get pretty heated. But this time, your partner develops anger that seems to exceed the importance of the argument in both scope and magnitude. You’re about to go to your Wednesday night art class. He starts accusing you of having an affair, using vile language to describe you (i.e., whore, slut, a piece of trash). He threatens to kick you out of the home and leave you on the street, change the locks, take the kids, etc.
Nothing worthwhile gained by name calling and flinging accusations (with no unequivocal evidence) during an argument. While everyone can get caught up in the „heat of an argument,” there’s absolutely no excuse for obscene name-calling and verbal threats in an argument. Ever.
Domestic Abuse Scenario III: You’re a lesbian who lives with your partner in an exclusive intimate relationship. In an argument, she threatens to expose your closely guarded sexual orientation to your supervisor at work, your family, or worship group. She goes on to justify her threats by saying that your desire to keep your sexual orientation private proves that you either believe homosexuality is a deviant lifestyle or that you’re not truly lesbian.
She describes you in offensive, derogatory terms used for lesbians and their intimate sexual activities. When you point out that this amounts to domestic abuse, she claims that women can’t be domestic abusers.
WHERE TO FIND A HELP?
There are many organizations specialized in domestic abuse. You can call them or chat with them. A few examples here:
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/
From: healthyplace
